QUOTATIONS ... QUOTES ... APHORISMS ... PUNS ... DEFINITIONS ... translated from DUTCH into ENGLISH.

1

Having the power and not making use of it: that's what I call civilization. ( Buddingh )

2

Blood transfusion: the most boring way to get Aids. ( Mortier )

3

A cynic is someone who - when smelling flowers - looks around and expects to find a coffin. ( van Broeckhoven)

4

A philosopher: a weight willing to weigh itself. ( Verhoeven )

5

A gentleman is someone who keeps the door open while his wife is putting out the trashcan.

6

Memories are the wine cellars of the soul. ( Timmermans )

7

A camel: an animal that was made of all the pieces left on the last day of Creation. ( Carmiggelt )

8

A psychiatrist: someone who doesn't have to worry as long as other people do. ( van Broeckhoven )

9

Sugar: a white compound which gives a bad taste to your coffee when you forget to put it in. ( van Broeckhoven )

10

A shape: something formed by a swimsuit when filled with a beautiful girl. ( Verbeeck )

11

Love is : coughing in stereo in bed at night. ( Verbeeck )

12

The 10 most beautiful years in a woman's life are those between 25 and 27. ( van Broeckhoven )

13

Cold-blooded murderer committed his crime once again. He sawed his wife in two again: this time breadthways. ( Thijs )

14

Humour is giving sad thoughts a happy funeral. ( Olaerts )

15

I like discussions with youngsters; it reminds me of the fact that I didn't know it either in the past. ( Jonckheere )

16

The nice thing between man and woman is that they don't understand a thing about each other. ( Bomans )

17

The human being is an animal that plays Bach with its forelegs. ( Aafjes )

18

The New Testament is the only detective who patently obviously points out the reader as the guilty. ( Donner )

19

An opinion doesn't lose anything of its value in spite of people violating it themselves. ( Bomans )

20

Worrying about your age means not having any real worries. ( Mülisch )

21

An ideal computer, still to be invented: you put in all your problems and they never get out anymore. ( Callewaert )

22

One doesn't have a fruit basket delivered to an ill greengrocer. ( Van Kooten and De Bie )

23

Suicide: that's the last thing I'll do. ( Smit )

24

Know yourself: you will be mistaken as well for once. ( Aafjes )

25

Ask a pocket calculator and calculate how often you don't need the thing. ( Vrij Nederland )

26

Words should only be used to improve silence. ( Jonckheere )

27

Philosophy is a big word for what the common man calls "pondering". ( Schouwenaars )

28

Real connoisseurs of wine can be recognized by the dust on their brains. ( Verhoeven )

29

A one-day working week? Not on a Monday, I hope? ( van Broeckhoven )

30

The biggest danger of working is that people start to like it in the end. ( Buddingh )

31

Considering reality as dreams is even much more dangerous. ( Olaerts )

32

Shop opened every working day, likewise on Monday and Friday. ( Kadé Bruin )

33

The best way to fold a map is otherwise. ( van Broeckhoven )

34

According to an investigation: 93% of women have once seen a ghost at home. Husband not included. ( van Broeckhoven )

35

Friendship gives eyes to the distant and a voice to the silence. ( Daisne )

36

A friend: someone who means better towards you than you do yourself. ( Buddingh )

37

You have to break good intentions already in January, otherwise you'll never succeed doing it. ( Terzijde )

38

If your youngest child needs sex education, you have told the facts of life badly to the youngest but one. ( Verhoeven )

39

Also through adultship flows the river of my youth. ( Depeuter )

40

When is a pedestrian allowed to cross the street? When an empty spot passes. ( Verbeeck )

41

The monkeys can't help it that we look so much like them. In fact they had deserved a better destiny. ( Vloemans )

42

To hesitate is to give faith the time to preceed our decision. ( de Valckenaere )

43

The one who gets absorbed in absurdity becomes invulnerable. ( Bomans )

44

My wife is so suspicious that even her eyes keep an eye on each other. ( van Broeckhoven )

45

There aren't any distances anymore, but it requires hours and hours to persuade yourself of it. ( Anthierens )

46

You can save everything on alcohol, except secrets. ( Komrij )

47

Never go out alone. Always take yourself with you. ( Jonckheere )

48

He was so afraid that they had to sedate him, before announcing the result of the investigation. ( van Broeckhoven )

49

That which one calls 'fear' in poetic way, is the deepest belief that one shouldn't have been born. ( Greshoff )

50

The theft of an antique clock seems a disastre to me, particularly because you'll have to re-paper the room. ( Verhoeven )

51

You don't have to start out understanding each other. You have to end up understanding each other. ( Buddingh )

52

The one who wants to avoid temptation, has to escape from boredom. But the one who wants to escape from boredom, ends up in temptation. ( F.Jansen )

53

I have noticed that most people act polite, only towards people who don't know yet how unpolite they are. ( Jonckheere )

54

"This place was reserved for someone" is a thing we only say when nobody is sitting at that place. ( Kadé Bruin )

55

The most welcome visitors are those who call to say that they cannot come. ( Jonckheere )

56

The plus-point of non-alcoholic beer is that you don't order a second one. ( Verhoeven )

57

Blood: it runs around inside our bodies like a fool, looking for a rip or a gap. ( P.Grijs )

58

A good book doesn't have to give us something new, but it has to deprive us of something, namely: one of our certainties. ( Greshoff )

59

Sometimes a conversation only gets really lively and open-hearted when the guests are standing inside the hall, putting on their coats. ( Buddingh )

60

Cynism is: buying a car because riding a bike is becoming so dangerous with all these cars. ( Kadé Bruin )

61

You don't get depressed once in a while? Hello? Are you okay? ( Mortier )

62

I am not intelligent enough to be depressed; I don't understand those sorts of problems. ( van Broeckhoven )

63

Fat men of forty can do two things: doing keep-fit exercises or start looking for a tactful tailer. ( Carmiggelt )

64

The only thing left for a fat man to do, is to act like he is a very jovial type. ( Van Kooten en De Bie )

65

A diplomat: a man who can persuade his wife of the fact that an expensive furcoat makes her look fat. ( Verbeeck )

66

I am very afraid of death, because I'm afraid to be born again after that. ( Wim Kan )

67

To drink is to jump off a roof, with the intention of only falling one storey. ( Carmiggelt )

68

My father is the biggest drunk in town. Maybe that doesn't say much, but he lives in New-York. ( van Broeckhoven )

69

A dream come true flows away like water between the fingers. ( Ellschot )

70

A drug addict drowns in the experience in which the mystic swims. ( Libbrecht )

71

Simplicity is not the characteristic of the beginner, it is the hard fought for mark of the master. ( Bomans )

72

Once airborne, never think about the meaning of 'final destination'. ( Verhoeven )

73

Equator, an imaginary line scientists draw around the world to see where the warm spots are. ( Verbeeck )

74

Like all good things, parties come in threefold: the preparation, the party itself and thank god that it's over again. ( Kadé Bruin )

75

All that philosophers do is bring forth even more philosophy. ( W.F.Hermans )

76

Whenever I write something in a formula I discover that the contrary is also true. ( Aafjes )

77

On somewhat elaborate parties one is not allowed to talk to the hostess. One also does not address a general during a battle. ( Bomans )

78

User manual for a new device. First topic: have a strong drink. ( van Broeckhoven )

79

A lot of people have problems turning their words into thoughts. ( Verhoeven )

80

To tell a secret to a woman is to give it to the wind. ( Van Acker )

81

You were right when just then you told me you were wrong. ( Jonckheere )

82

Not I believe because I understand, but I understand because I believe. ( Greshoff )

83

Luck is a disaster. You get used to it so quickly. If you're not careful you might even get to enjoy life too. ( Tom Lanoye )

84

That is what I find the most beautiful and real happiness: not knowing why, without a reason. ( Timmermans )

85

Are you happy? Great, let's talk about funier things. ( van Broeckhoven )

86

Everybody loves the dangers he does not fear. ( Buddingh )

87

Many people thank their good conscience to their bad memory. ( Bomans )

88

Since I wear glasses in the car, the traffic has become much busier. ( van Broeckhoven )

89

What did you do in the evening at the campsite, when portable TV didn't exist yet? ( Verhoeven )

90

A compromise is the most honest way to set everybody unsatisfied. ( A.Pola )

91

A diary is a book of non-sent letters. ( Raes )

92

Some people only express their gratitude by coming to your funeral. ( K.Jonckheere )

93

How come that no matter which teenager can easily find a drugsdealer and no policeman can? ( Schippers )

94

A democrat : someone who's mostly against dictatorships he cannot earn a coin with. ( Buddingh' )

95

Thinking makes young, because thinking makes hesitating and hesitating puts us every time again at the beginning of our live. (J.Daisne )

96

You have to keep pictures in which you look old. That way you can prove in 10 years time that you haven't changed at all. ( van Broeckhoven )

97

Learn from others' faults, because life is too short to make them all yourself. ( Kadé Bruin )

98

Do you also own kinds of appliances with a guarantee on every part that cannot break? ( Verhoeven )

99

A family never has to make a trip by car when there are more children than the car has windows. ( van Broeckhoven )

100

Jokes about women aren't funny. Unless you can laugh with them. ( Freek de Jonghe )

101

Some people get carried away by their passion, others by their self-control. ( C.Buddingh' )

102

Homesickness isn't what it used to be anymore. ( P.De Vries )

103

Remembrance is a dog that lays down where it wants to. ( Nooteboom )

104

I might not agree with you and you might not agree with me, but let us at least agree about that. ( P.Van Vliet )

105

In a hotel leaflet : room completely isolated. By the way, same thing for the hotel. ( Mortier )

106

When you fall into a canal, you have to miaow anxiously, because a cat is more likely to save. ( Verhoeven )

107

One who loses his personality in marriage, never had one. (Callewaert )

108

Sorry I forgot to put the amount in this envelope, but I'd already sealed it when the idea came to me. ( van Broeckhoven )

109

Boys fight because girls are stronger. ( Cor de Jonghe )

110

Journalists : the good ones don't have a life, the bad ones don't have a job. ( Wim Kan )

111

Camel: an animal which looks like it was assembled by a research team. ( L.Verbeeck )

112

A kitchen which thinks it's complete doesn't understand a thing about women. ( Jonckers )

113

It is allowed to children to make a fool out of adults, but not longer than they calculated themselves. ( Bomans )

114

Clothing is nudity in a more subtle degree. ( Schepens )

115

I like any colour, as long as it's red. ( L.P.Boon )

116

Would you like red or white wine? Doesn't matter, I'm colourblind anyway. ( van Broeckhoven )

117

"Maternity : children not allowed" Of course this should read: "Unless accompanied by their mother" ( G.Durnez )

118

Art and science are like women. They want to be conquered. ( Bomans )

119

Quality : this washingmachine is my first husband's. ( Verhoeven )

120

Behind all sorrow something rests which make you sigh from it's beauty. ( Timmermans )

121

Fifty is a wonderful time, especially when you're sixty. ( van Broeckhoven )

122

To say that the army has to be democratised, means that from now on all circles have to be squares. ( Walschap )

123

A lie is a truth that takes its environment into account. ( Weemoedt )

124

He who knows the principle of sleeping and staying alert simultaneously, can imagine what poetry is like. (Greshoff )

125

As long as you keep enough principles, you never have to think. ( C.Buddingh' )

126

Keep London tidy. Eat a pigeon a day. ( van Broeckhoven )

127

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. ( W.Triesthof )

128

If there is no eternity, believers and non-believers are at the same level, neither of the two will notice. ( L.Verhagen )

129

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison. If he hadn't invented electricity, we would be watching television by candlelight nowadays. ( W. van Broeckhoven )

130

She was so emancipated that I almost started to feel gay. ( Schouwenaars )

131

Leaving the lights on in your house when you're away has only one advantage: the burglar won't trip over anything. ( W.van Broeckhoven)

132

Introverted: to dream that you are having a nightmare. ( Verhoeven )

133

And remember this: once defrosted, it's impossible to freeze your husband in again. ( Verhoeven )

134

If love is the answer, would you be so kind to repeat the question? ( Van Kooten en De Bie )

135

He who listens to women and old men quickly becomes their friend. ( M. Gijsen )

136

Girls, not my kind of thing: If they act sweet, I have to laugh. If I act sweet, they have to laugh. ( Bomans )

137

A good idea knocks before entering your head. ( Jonckers )

138

Hand me your passport and I'll tell you who you are. ( Guy Mortier )

139

I lost my passport and ask you kindly to hand me a new one. I hope that the picture from the old can be reused. ( Van Remoortere )

140

I'm so vain that compliments insult me. ( Jan Greshoff )

141

I only hit my wife because she was telling everywhere that I was beating her. ( Van Broeckhoven )

142

In Italy and only there, uggly things are beautiful. ( Greshoff )

143

If you're in the Jazz world and more than 10 people are crazy about your music, you're commercial. ( Van Broeckhoven )

144

The reason why there are so many writers? Because you can buy books without reading them. ( Anthierens )

145

The incestvilain was seropostitif: these days you can't even trust your own kids. (Mortier )

146

To go to an abortion clinic with a plastercast leg, because your skiing teacher was no good in any aspect. ( Verhoeven )

147

Happiness is a foolish virgin who lets herself be kissed by every strong young man. ( P.van Ostaijen )

148

A good person: he seems like living in a cage, in which the lions cannot jump because they can't get over their astonishment. ( De Valckenaere )

149

You can learn a lot from kids, for example the limits of your patience. ( Wiet van Broeckhoven )

150

Kids are only fun and spontaneous because adults are so boring. ( Verhoeven )

151

For those who suffer, the week has ten days. ( Max van Velsen )

152

The power of a man lies in seeing the pro's and the con's of things, that of a woman lies in being it. ( Bomans )

153

Behind every successful man stands a stupified mother-in-law. ( Wiet van Broeckhoven )

154

Unbelief is the most persistent religion. ( Bertus Aafjes )

155

Firing people is good for profit and profit is good for employment. ( Fons Jansen )

156

Nothing causes so much fuss as people about to relax. ( L.Versteylen )

157

"Two standing places, please, and if possible next to eachother." ( Wiet van Broeckhoven )

158

"Doctor, I would rather die than have surgery" "The one does not exclude the other."( Wiet van Broeckhoven )

159

Everybody is completely willing to share their opinion with others.( G. Van den Berghe )

160

Good judges of men can be found between dentists and café proprietors. The first help people with their pain, the second help them with their failures. ( Bomans )

161

The Incas already sacrificed people long before cars were invented. ( Verhoeven )

162

If tradesmen join hands, they do it to prevent that the other goes faster. ( Van Rompaey )

163

There's a very environmentally friendly defoliant: autumn. ( F.Jansen )

164

Psychiatrist: "Your problem is solved. You don't imagine yourself that you're inferior. You are inferior." (W.van Broeckhoven )

165

There are people whose failure has gone to their heads ( Buddingh )

166

Hint in a women's magazine: ladies, do not wear clothes that scare your cat. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

167

Being a mother is answering many questions and able to guess at dreams. ( Lut Lanssens )

168

It's not the point whether we can call a friendly chief of state a murderer, but whether we can call a murderer a friendly chief of state. ( J.Wolkers )

169

We've all got our own beds, except our dad, he's got to sleep next to mum. ( L.Verbeeck )

170

Traffic wardens walk that slowly to avoid making wrong-parked cars suspicious. ( Toon Verhoeven )

171

Happy me that my grandparents didn't take the pill; otherwise I'd be an orphan now. ( van Broeckhoven )

172

In the meantime, there's something repulsive and very touching about very bad poetry, just like there's something repulsive and touching about very ugly girls. ( C.Buddingh )

173

He was so pretentious that he didn't even want to be in the same car with his own driver. ( van Broeckhoven )

174

If everyone praises you, you have your own funeral got going. ( de Valckenaere )

175

Even problems have got the right to exist, therefore don't solve them. ( Jonckheere )

176

As soon as we will be able to project publicity onto the clouds, we will definitely do that. ( Jonckers )

177

I don't go on a journey to see, but to keep myself from seeing for a while. ( Greshoff )

178

I had decided to get rich while sleeping, but I couldn't get to sleep. ( Jonckers )

179

A gossip talks about others, a driveller about himself and a brilliant speaker talks about you. ( van Broeckhoven )

180

If you don't smoke anymore, everything smells better, especially cigarettes. ( Van Kooten en De Bie )

181

Peace is like a child that smiles at you every time you look at it. ( Toon Hermans )

182

The fun of buying beer is that you don't have to look at the date. ( Van Broeckhoven )

183

Admiration : jealousy wearing one's Sunday best. ( Lambrecht )

184

The two main questions of our time are : "How do I loose weight" and "Where do I leave my car?" ( Wim Kan )

185

I don't believe in superstition, it only brings bad luck. ( Van Broeckhoven )

186

A conservative is someone wanting to keep what he already lost. ( Durnez )

187

Being dead is waking up on the wrong side of your dreams. ( Harry Mulisch )

188

Doctors work wonders that often manifest in a different world. ( Olaerts )

189

Do not fear death, as it is your future. ( Op de Beeck )

190

Marriage problems are only to be solved when there's nothing on your TV. ( Verhoeven )

191

Mozart? Isn't he the one who wrote the soundtrack for "Amadeus" ? ( Van Broeckhoven)

192

When a man shows up naked in public, he's arrested. When a woman does, she's cheered at. ( G.Van Aelst )

193

Love your neighbour like you love your car and your dog. ( Kadé Bruin )

194

No one can think for an hour and feel good afterwards. ( Jan Leyers )

195

If you don't mention names, everyone knows who's meant. ( Kinnaer )

196

Loving nature is proof enough that you're out of it. ( Bomans )

197

Starting a new year is nice, if only your "sell-by-date" wouldn't come nearer. ( Terzijde )

198

Where do nudists leave their car keys after having locked their car? ( Van Broeckhoven )

199

A mirror shows a woman's youth and a man's age. ( Cees Buddingh )

200

Try finding a place where it's so quiet, you can hear the earth turn round its axis. ( Wim Kan )

201

Within the ability to explain the things we sense, lies the human balance. ( G.Van Acker )

202

If you're really not good at something, make sure it makes people laugh. ( Jonckers )

203

I was a cute baby, actually, but I was swapped at the hospital. ( W. van Broeckhoven )

204

Some people you'd like to burry twice. Just to make sure. ( Schouwenaars )

205

Civilisation: Applause after a "Requiem". ( Terzijde )

206

I never open my husband's letters, but this one said "Confidential". ( W.van Broeckhoven )

207

Computers will never be able to do more than we do, because we made them. Actually, that's exactly what the apes said about us. ( Verhoeven )

208

On every dead person's face I seem to read the same message: "Is this all there is to being dead?" ( Jonckheere )

209

In half of the married couples I meet, at least one of them looks as if he or she's being held hostage. ( Verhoeven )

210

To be honest, I must admit I'm lying. ( Guy Mortier )

211

A poem is good when you can read it time and time again without losing its rhyme and rhythm. ( Buckinx )

212

Writing a poem is like walking around with your brain in the palm of your hands. ( Vroman )

213

Only after it's over, luck is visible. ( Bomans )

214

I remember luck, it was so big it hurt. ( Connie Palmen )

215

God has too many intermediaries who want to work for their own account. ( Olaerts )

216

It's a mistake to think women are vain. Only men are. Women only wish to be the subject of that vanity. ( Bomans )

217

One can only feel young when being old, but then it's no longer possible. ( P.Theys )

218

There's absolutely nothing to laugh about in this world. Keeping this in mind, there's still a lot to laugh about. ( Carmiggelt )

219

A work of art reveals the presence of a secret, not the secret itself. ( Greshoff )

220

Try to find people's weakness and you immediately know where not to hit them. ( Buddingh )

221

My grandfather used to say: "Try doing things a bit slower and it'll go quicker." ( Toon Hermans )

222

"I'd like to apply for the job of lion tamer" - "I'm sorry but I just hired someone. However, feel free to come back tomorrow." ( W.van Broeckhoven )

223

A teacher is like a hour-glass for eggs that have already been boiled. ( K.Olaerts )

224

Teacher: Someone who doesn't know either, but who gets paid for it. ( Grijs )

225

Maybe life's like a letter, only to be opened after death. ( Vuylsteke )

226

Life: Talking spiritedly while queuing at the counter and notice that it's your turn all for sudden. ( F.Jansen )

227

The art of life is feeling the same way at home as you feel while travelling. ( Bomans )

228

I don't take life insurance. I know someone who has been paying one for over 30 years now and he still isn't dead. ( W. van Broeckhoven )

229

Only people who have it all read thrillers. Those in need read uneventful books. ( Bomans )

230

The greater the love, the fewer the things you tell each other. ( B.Mesotten )

231

Literature, in a limping and gasping way, always catches up with man's true emotions. ( L.P.Boon )

232

There's nothing more difficult than reacting harmoniously to praise. ( Carmiggelt )

233

All day long he does nothing and he doesn't even like that. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

234

Lazy people get up at 6 o'clock in the morning so they spend their days in idleness. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

235

Men only love one thing, so they are not demanding. ( Hoste )

236

A man loves a woman when it only takes him 5 minutes to spot her beauty in 10 different ways. ( Vercammen )

237

I don't think my husband has been very faithful. My youngest child doesn't look like him at all. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

238

A man admires the woman who makes him think, respects the woman who makes him laugh, loves the woman that makes him suffer and marries the woman who flatters him. ( Callewaert )

239

"Do you come here often, miss?" "I'm your wife, stupid!" ( W.van Broeckhoven )

240

Leaving a woman also means leaving behind the man she made of him. ( P.Theys )

241

The limit of indifference: a giraffe that shrugs its shoulders. ( Kadé Bruin )

242

If you stop telling lies about me, I shall stop telling the truth about you. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

243

To finally put her lazy husband to work, the widow put his ashes in an hour-glass. ( J.de Valckenaere )

244

The greatest misfortune is fortune that never stops. ( Bomans )

245

One always takes oneself more seriously than one is and others as more easy-going than they really are. ( Buddingh )

246

Optimism: an agressive way of shallowness. ( Greshoff )

247

I minimize things, not because I'm old, but to avoid getting old. ( Jonckheere )

248

Being able to smile after a defeat is a victory in itself. ( Aafjes )

249

Pain's consciousness is also its limit. Only children suffer without limits. ( Bomans )

250

In the old days one used to quarrel with ones neighbours. Nowadays one lives in a stress area. ( Verhoeven )

251

Students are the ones, smashing the windows of those companies they later hope to lead. ( W.Kan )

252

You're only successful, if your mother-in-law says you are. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

253

You only know a language, when you can communicate with children. ( Jonckheere )

254

Never say: "That's the end of it", when you own a TV-set. ( Guy Mortier )

255

Theologian: Someone who can prove anything provided it's invisible. ( F.Jansen )

256

Never buy a theatre play-bill. The moment you want to read it, they usually turn down the lights. ( Kadé Bruin )

257

Many people spend their time trying to organize their work. Once this is done, they return home. ( Jonckheere )

258

It's a stupid thing to leave all and nothing up to luck. ( Greshoff )

259

Imagine everyone reached the top, life would be dull at the bottom. ( F.Jansen )

260

People digging a tunnel are to meet each other sooner or later. If not so, you get two tunnels for the price of one. ( F.Jansen )

261

Peace: period during which there's a war on elsewhere. ( Durnez )

262

True happiness always comes after the last disappointment. ( Jan Walravens )

263

A friend is someone who wishes you less harm than you wish on yourself. ( Buddingh )

264

A real friend is someone who's there for you in good and bad times. ( Bomans )

265

Some people are friends with everyone, but nobody's friend. ( Jonckheere )

266

Kindness is a poem everyone understands. ( G.Van Acker )

267

I remember a time that air was clean and sex was dirty. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

268

Things used to be better than nowadays, but fortunately that's over. ( P.Theys )

269

When looking at your wife makes you think of Picasso, you'd better call a lawyer. ( Carmiggelt )

270

My second wife ran off so fast, she caught up with my first. ( Weemoedt )

271

A woman's bravery lies in her heart, not in her eyes. So don't let her mislead you with her down-hearted look. ( O. van der Hallen )

272

Only women in soup ads look forward to their husband's homecoming. ( Carmiggelt )

273

Amongst all means to make women attractive, the most effective one is to make her happy.( J.de Valckenaere )

274

Only women understand the meaning of life, as they procreate and bear it. ( M.Gijsen )

275

Women are like water. You can find them in three conditions: boiling, frozen or vapourized. ( Ruyslinck )

276

Women save their tears until there's a man around. ( Buddingh )

277

In conversations with women, you cannot do them a bigger favour than ask them to describe an other woman. ( M.Gijsen )

278

My wife manages our children, our money etc. Only the goldfish belongs to me. ( Verbeeck )

279

He who exchanges a woman aged 40 for two women aged 20, neither understands the value of money, nor the value of women. ( J.de Valckenaere )

280

If you want to make sure a woman listens to you, make her the subject of the conversation. ( Vercammen )

281

When talking about women, one always tends to exagerate. ( Vercammen )

282

And then again, you have those years, during which you don't feel like working. ( Verbeeck )

283

I knew a woman once who never told gossip, who had never made any remarks behind her sister-in-law's back, who knew how to keep a secret. I don't know what became of her, though. She must have burst I guess. ( A.M.G.Schmidt )

284

A woman is pretty when she's prettier naked than half-naked. ( Vercammen )

285

There's always someone who needs you, be it the undertaker. (Guy Mortier )

286

After her husband's death, the widow had to face up to such a notorial fuss, she wished he'd never died. ( F.Jansen )

287

"Did you know he actually works now?" - "Well, that surely sounds like him, anything for the money." ( W.van Broeckhoven )

288

I'm self-confident. At least, I think I am. ( W.van Broeckhoven )

289

Self-knowledge is like a hospital bed: clean but painful. ( O.Van der Hallen )

290

Doctor to patient: "First the good news: a new disease has been named after you." ( W.van Broeckhoven )

291

Water already killed more people than alcohol. Take the flood, for example. ( Jan Hoet )

292

I think I'm starting to get deaf. It seemes as if I hear less and less gossip about me lately. ( W.Martens )

293

If I were a bit more modest, I'd be perfect. ( Van Molle )

294

Always be sincere, also when you don't mean it. ( Eyskens )

295

Recently, I saw a young man with green hair. If I had green hair, I'd dye it. ( Finckers )

296

The advantage of baldheadedness is that, in case of unexspected visitors, you only need to straighten your tie. ( M.de Jonghe )

297

I love nature, but I need a drink to go with it. ( W.Kloos )

298

A father does not give advice, he gives an example. ( J.Rogge )

299

People's fame is only an appearance? You can only be great in small things. ( Toon Hermans )

300

I really can't remember ever having suffered from amnesia. ( W.Claes )

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